A gloomy outlook...

I have noticed a visible growth in my pessimism lately. My glumness levels are now at an all time high and if there was a billboard chart for the pessimists, I would have blown away the competition and captured the top spot for 9 weeks in a row. While the good folks talk about all things nice, I find myself utterly speechless and at times even a bit nauseous when there’s too much cheerfulness around. An optimistic thought out of my head is as rare as finding fresh water in a desert. Though I try to be very optimistic, my subconscious (yes that annoying little voice inside my head) is not. My conflicting thoughts always lead to bad decisions, stupid moves and disappointing results. But the good thing is that I always expect the worst so when something bad really does happen, all that I feel is satisfaction. Being right about things that are about to happen makes you feel great, doesn’t it?

Years of practice have made me good at talking about earthquakes, drought, unexpected rainfall, clogged pipes, leakage and other similar stuff. My conversation never dries up when the topic of discussion is how evil spirits can haunt the shit out of some unfortunate blokes sometimes. Yesterday, in a meeting when we ended up discussing some new love based services, and how some matches are made in heaven, my mind drifted off to thoughts about matches which were definitely made in hell. But there’s no fun when others are not as enthusiastic about such topics. Marriages are supposed to be a beautiful union between two souls in love and we are supposed to feel happy for the new couple. Somehow, I find the act rather tedious and it always ends up drifting me to a sound sleep. It’s definitely not a nap that I take when I have to witness such ceremonies. The time that is spent is too long to be categorized as a nap. People excused this habit of mine as I was not a grown up then and after a certain point I stopped watching people get married altogether. It’s not marriages in general that I find tiresome; I’m talking about the ones within people in my community. Marriages mostly take place in the wee hours of the night/morning sometimes between 3 AM – 5, definitely not a good time to watch an oath taking ceremony.

It’s no wonder I love European movies so much. The dark, depressing visuals bode well with my diabetic eyes. I find the morbid atmosphere in these movies quite refreshing. I had no idea German movies were so good. The day I started watching these German flicks, I knew there was no turning back. It felt like I had discovered a hidden treasure. These were certainly my kind of movies.